As we are closing the semester, I thought that it would be interesting to post part of an interview I have been working on for my parenting class. It has some fun insight to what parenting is like.

Laura: Describe cultural attitudes and beliefs toward child rearing at the time your children were born. This would include "right" way to discipline or feed the child as well as general idea about mothers' and fathers' roles and the importance of children to families and society. Who were prominent psychologists and pediatricians at the time (ex: Dr. Spock) and what did they have to say about parenting? How much of their advice and recommendations did you agree with?
Nancy: When our kids were born,(1980's), there was a movement towards "soft discipline," less physical punishment like spanking, and more logical consequences for inappropriate behavior. Time out became very popular, as well as boosting children's self esteem by "catching them being good," or redirecting their behavior by telling them what you wanted them to do, instead of punishing them for bad behavior. The idea was sound, but some parents & teachers took it too far, and there were many kids who grew up without behavioral boundaries, and so became difficult to handle, disrespectful of adults, and generally very self centered. Working moms were more acceptable, so more children grew up in day cares than in the last generation. Unfortunately, most daycare then was not as regulated as today, and providers didn't have to have any training in child development or nutrition, & they didn't have to provide much for activities or education; their homes were just inspected for safety. Fathers were taking a more active role in their children's' lives at that time though, so that was a positive aspect of more moms working.

Diets for children became healthier, less carbs and fatty foods, more fruits & vegetables. The idea of fat babies being healthy babies was changing, and more research had been done showing how what children ate directly affected their health as adults (duh!) Took the experts a long time to figure that one out! So overall, nutrition improved, and children were encouraged to be physically more active.

Dr Spock was still popular, although there were a lot of other parenting experts putting out books at that time. Most of them advocated the same ideas I talked about above.There was also a trend toward re-examining the child development stages from long ago experts like Piaget. Pediatricians were also becoming more popular than family practice doctors, though I trusted our family doctor, and generally followed his advice. Most of my parenting practices came from what I learned in college about child development, and in working with regular & special needs children for 10 years before becoming a parent, and of course from my parents.

Laura:What kind of prenatal care and preparation was prescribed? What was the fathers' role in birth preparation? How much did you and your spouse talk about your new role, and what
did you talk about? What concerns did you have during pregnancy? Did you go through any stages in adapting to pregnancy or the idea of being a parent?
Nancy: My doctor was concerned that I eat right, take prenatal vitamins, & stay active, and of course watch my weight. I saw him every month for checkups, and with Jenni had ultrasounds several times because we were watching to see if a fibroid tumor was going to interfere with my pregnancy, (it didn't). Mike went to some of my appointments, and we took a birthing class. Fathers were much more involved in the whole process than my father was expected to be. We talked alot about what kind of parents we hoped to be (not like our parents!), about child care, and expenses. You go through alot of stages while pregnant, the morning sickness & cravings, the tiredness, then lots of energy & excitement during the middle months. The last 3 months you feel unattractive & huge, you're tired & moody, you can't wait for it to be over, and of course you're scared about what the birth will really be like. I drove my doctor crazy because being a special ed teacher I knew too much about birth defects & birth injuries, but he was very patient & reassuring, and we had the ultrasound pictures to show that everything was going fine.

Laura: What methods of discipline seemed appropriate for different ages? Was discipline different for each child?

Nancy: We tried not to be our parents as far as discipline went, but occasionally did fall into those roles because that was what we knew. We wanted to have the respect & cooperation of our children, but didn't want them to be afraid of us. We tried to give them choices, and tried to pick our battles, but we didn't put up with much disrespect or acting out. We used time out,(ALOT), and often got into yelling matches,but very seldom spanked. Both our kids were very different to discipline, Jenni was generally easier, but Jon fought us on every issue, so we were often tougher with Jon. We don't know if we made the right decisions, but did what we thought best in each situation.

Laura: Do you talk to your children about sex and birth? Beginning when? Who initiates conversation? How does your attitude toward sex differ from your parents?

Nancy: We do talk about sex & birth because we feel our kids can make better decisions if they have as much information as possible. Usually the kids initiated by asking questions about things they didn't understand, but when they started dating, we talked about behavior, responsibility, & birth control. My mom gave me a book about menstruation when I started & said if I had any questions, I could ask our doctor. We had a sex ed class when I was in middle school, but my parents didn't want to discuss anything about it, except to say DON'T have sex! I went to Catholic school, and we were taught that even to think about sex before marriage was a sin, and that sex was only for the procreation of children.My mom added that sex was only good for men, and all women got out of it was children. It's a wonder I ever wanted to have sex! Hope my kids have a healthier attitude about it all.

Laura: How did your child's temperament affect your parenting? What impact did any differences between your children's temperaments have on child rearing? Have these influences led you to question tat parents are responsible
for how their children turn out? Explain...
Nancy: You think as parents that you will treat your children the same, but that's impossible to do since they are very different and unique people, even though they start with the same genes. Of course we disciplined them differently. Jenni was easier to handle, and played us well, whereas Jon fought us on everything & seldom compromised about what he wanted. Jenni was a little moodier, and didn't act out much. Jon was ADHD & acted out on every inpulse that came into his head. We were much tougher with him, but tried to be fair with both. Mike & I also have quick tempers, and often got caught up in the moment, so there was a lot of yelling, something we had both grown up with & tried not to do to our children.We also didn't spank or hit like our parents had. We tried never to bully them , or ignore their feelings on any issue, but were pretty firm on what we expected as far as appropriate behavior. We were never afraid to take them out in public, because we knew they would be good, ( or we would take them home). I think both kids grew up to be good people, respectful of themselves & others. As a parent, you do the best with the resources you have, the same as our parents did at the time.

Laura: When should parents step in and give advice to their children about their friends? What differences in behavior (good or bad) have you observed in your children who have "best friends?" That is, how do peers influence your child's behavior?

Nancy: We were pretty lucky as far as the friends our children chose, so we seldom had to step in. Occasionally there was someone who didn't seem to be a good friend, but we didn't forbid the kids to spend time with them, but did agree with them whenever they complained, to confirm that maybe they weren't the best choice of friend. They eventually figured out for themselves who was worth their friendship. Both kids at times followed a friend in doing something they shouldn't, but it was never anything too serious, and they lived to learn from it. Peers definitely shape children's lives because they have more in common with your kids than you do. You can only hope to know who these kids are, welcome them into your home. let them know you're around, and try to know where your children are & what they're doing. A small town has a great network of parents & teachers who can be your eyes & ears when your kids are away from home. If kids know the community is watching, and know these people know their parents, kids less likely to do something they shouldn't.

Laura: Who makes the rules in your house? Why are household rules made (what is their purpose)? What are some specific rules that are particularly important, and how are they enforced or encouraged?
Nancy: Mike & I try to make the rules together, though in some situations, one of us is gone, & the other has to make a quick decision. Generally we support each other's decisions, but not always. We tried not to let the kids play us against each other, but of course they did, and sometimes it took us awhile to catch on to what they were doing! Most of our rules concerned safety, time allowed away from home like curfews, responsibilities like taking care of themselves & their things, getting homework done, household chores, etc.

When they were young, we used time out, when older they were sent to their rooms (still timeout), grounded, or denied privileges. We did yell a lot, but tried not to hurt the kids' feelings, or to be physical with them.

Laura: What are the most important values and morals that you wish the child to leave home with?
Nancy: Be respectful - of yourself first, your family & friends, other people, your possessions, your environment. Always know that your words & actions have consequences, and once out there, you can't take them back. Do your best to be a good person, and make a better world. Try to be happy & live a constructive life.